


The Moon is Shining...

by Secret_Glances



Series: Stars [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, Red Robin (Comics), Teen Titans
Genre: DCnU, M/M, New 52, Post-Reboot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:51:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Secret_Glances/pseuds/Secret_Glances
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...but I can't see the light. </p><p>Tim doesn't know what to do with the old feelings he still remembers from the old universe. He's still in love with someone he's not even sure exists anymores.<br/>He knows Dick wants to be there for him, but Dick doesn't even know that he himself is still in love. </p><p>Takes place before Tim left to be on his own in New York in the New 52 universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Moon is Shining...

Ever since Bruce took him in, and he knew his parents were safe, Tim spent most of his nights out here – on his balcony. He likes to look up at the moon, hoping and waiting for something to happen. Even on patrols, he can’t seem to help it that his eyes will go to that white, shining, sphere.

Something in him keeps telling him he’s waiting for nothing.

Something in him keeps telling him to keep calling, to keep _yelling_.

Something in him keeps telling him, he’ll hear him… _someday_.

But he tries his best not to think about it, because really, he’s not sure if he can take on such a loss right now. He’s not ready to know he’s waiting for nothing. He’s not ready to handle what could be the terrible truth.

There’s a sharp pain that wiggles its way up his chest every time he thinks of the possibilities, and he has to do everything in his power to numb it all back down.

 

He can’t afford to break down right now – not again.

 

“Hey, Timbo. What are you doing up so late?” A familiar voice asks him, and he’s broken from his trance.

“Dick, we work under Batman. Are you seriously asking me that?” he asks the man, cocking a single eyebrow at him. Dick rolls his eyes, and folds his arms over.

“Well, you don’t have patrol tonight, do you?” Tim shakes his head, “then yeah, I am.”

Tim doesn’t know how to tell him he doesn’t want to sleep without scaring Dick. He knows how Dick, Alfred, and especially Bruce can get if they ever thought something was wrong. They have all had so much hardship in their life, it’s as though they’re always ready for Tim to break so they can catch him. He can’t tell Dick every time he closes his eyes he feels like he’s falling, and there’s no one to catch him. No one to make him feel safe. Because they’ll never understand that none of them can do that for him. He doesn’t want them to worry if there’s nothing they can even do. It’s not their fault. It’s no one’s fault.

But Tim does blame himself, for remembering. He wishes he didn’t remember anything. “I couldn’t sleep…are those the oatmeal ones?” He asks, grabbing at the warm plate Dick brought out with him.

“Alfred’s specialty.”

Tim nods eagerly, stuffing a cookie into his mouth, and chugging down a glass of milk Dick passes over, “hey, slow down there. You’re going to choke on a raisin.”

Tim coughs, as a little of the liquid goes down the wrong pipe. As he licks at his teeth tasting the remaining sweetness of the crumbs, he wipes his mouth on his sleeves and tells him, “thanks for this. I think I’ll be fine now.”

Dick tsks at him and throws an arm around his shoulders, “ _Little brother_ , do I need to remind _you_ who we work for?”

Tim scoffs at him and swats his arm away, “sometimes I just like to come out here and think.”

“About who?” Dick asks with a playful tone.

“What do you mean _who_?”

“I was your age once, and I’m not that old yet either. I know _that look_.”

“And suddenly you know everything?”

“Hey, don’t throw stones in glass houses.” Dick accuses, grabbing at a cookie and stuffing one into his own mouth.

“As Alfred would say, ‘ _a reasonable observation’_ sir.”

“Shut up and tell me who you’ve been sighing over.”

“I haven’t been sighing!” Tim exclaims, throwing his hands into the air.

“Tch, every time I find you out here you’re always sighing.”

Tim deadpans for a moment before asking, “…have you been spying on me?”

“You’re not the only one with master hacking skills, Little brother!” Dick stares him down for a moment, until finally both their eyes flick over to a camera hanging along the brick of the manor, “…annnd, Bruce has a security cam on your balcony.”

“Well, I’m glad I’m not the kind of guy, who just shoots the breeze and walks around half naked, sipping coffee, and watching the sunrise out here then.” Tim comments, laughing lightly as Dick starts to exasperate.

“First off, I was eating cereal. Second, creepy, Timmers. Third, you make me sound like a dude out of a cheesy 90’s rom com.”

“Only because you act like one.”

They both smile, before Dick runs a hand through his hair and says, “Timmy, I’ve been with a lot of people–“

“And the sky is blue, the Earth is round, and Batman is really Bruce Wayne.”

“You’re not too old to spank you know.”

“Yes, but you’re too old for it to _not_ be considered aggravated  _sexual_  exploitation of a  _minor_.”

“Now you’re just asking for it.”

“You can tell the court that, but you can’t beat this face.”

“You think you’re cute don’t you?”

“No, I know _I am_ clever, however.”

They both laugh, and for a moment, Tim forgets what he was doing out here in the first place. But it’s when Dick gives him ‘this look’ that he is reminded, and suddenly he wishes he just went to bed to save them all this trouble. “You know, you don’t just sigh.”

“Really now?” He comments dryly, looking back to the night, avoiding Dick’s wondering stare.

“No, you sigh, and you always look so-“

“Starry eyed and in love?” Tim interrupts sarcastically, bitterness hanging from every syllable.

Dick says nothing for a moment before he responds gingerly, “… _sad_.”

Tim feels his heart pang, “I’m worried about you.”

“You don’t have anything to worry about.” There’s an anger bubbling inside of him. It’s not towards Dick it’s just…it’s hard to explain. It’s always _too hard_ to explain.

“Tim, it’s okay to talk to me about whoever it is. I know what it’s like to really feel for someone.” Dick reassures, placing that arm around his shoulders again. He tenses beneath his touch, but relaxes into it as he takes a deep breath of the fresh air, trying to calm down.

“It’s complicated.” Tim manages to bite out, before sputtering in a mix of frustration and _hurt_ , “I’m sorry, Dick. Normally, I would. Seriously. But…you wouldn’t understand.” No one can, anymore.

Dick only nods, and turns towards the sky as well. For a few minutes, they take in the quiet of the darkness waiting together for whatever it is Tim is looking for. Tim appreciates the company, for only this moment. No one says anything, but as Dick starts to shift beside him, he knows he’s going to start talking again. Tim would rather that he just leaves him alone. There’s nothing that could be said for the situation he’s in, but he can’t tell Dick that.

“I always thought Raya could be the one. She was the first girl I ever _really_ felt something for. Y’Know?” Dick says this with a lot of warmth and care in his voice, “I loved the way she made me feel young again. I loved how she could understand me.” Tim feels himself frown. 

“Then there’s Babs…I thought she could be _it_ too. Sometimes she’s the only one who keeps me on my toes.” As Dick starts to talk of the people he was in love with, Tim can’t help the envy that gnaws at him quietly. So he grips the railing tightly, with his nails digging into the metal.

“There are a lot of people, who I always came close to really believing _this is it_. But with everyone, there always seemed to be something missing. Something I needed, but couldn’t be filled.” Suddenly, the gnawing is gone and Tim freezes.

“I can’t really explain it.” Dick’s voice grows a little cold…a little heavy…a little _Not Dick_ , ”Sometimes, I even thought Roy was it.”

“Roy Harper?”

“Hey, I know he can be a little bit of a-“

“Real asshole?”

“ _Sometimes_. But he knew how to call me out on my own crap. You need people like that in your life.”

Tim nods his head, he knows _exactly_ what he means. Dick then laughs, but there was no joy, “You know what? Maybe I just have a thing for red heads!” Tim almost swears he hears a crack in his voice, but it’s when Dick whispers almost so quietly he almost misses it…“and green eyes.”…that Tim really feels for the man.

“Green eyes? Barbara doesn’t-“

“I know, but the others did.”

“Who?”

“Raya…Roy…Kory…”

“Just them?” Tim asks hurriedly, with a stab of fear as concern started to take over. 

“I don’t know…I guess…I just…you know what Timmers? It’s stupid.” It's not stupid, it's never stupid. Never ever. 

“Dick, you want me to talk, than you talk too.” Tim needed him to keep going, could it be…

That’s when Dick turns away from him, hanging his head over the railing of the balcony. His hair shadowing his face, but nothing to hide the intensity in his words, “all I’ve ever wanted out of love is to be able to look into their eyes and believe in _that_ moment: I found _you_. I’m _home_. But no one’s… _no one_ …ever had the right shade of green…which is dumb. I know it is. The color doesn’t matter, it’s the –“

“It’s not dumb.” Tim quickly cuts in, with a sharpness in his voice that takes Dick by surprise.

Tim watches him turn his head away a little more, wiping some of the bangs out of his eyes slumping further over the railing. Hiding the feelings Dick cannot explain, “I just feel like the person who’s meant for me will be _everything_ everyone else was combined. Someone who makes me feel young. Someone who understands me. Someone who keeps me on my toes. Someone who calls me out on my crap…”

“Someone who’s your best friend.” 

“Yeah.” Yeah. 

There’s a heavy silence between them, as a wind blows through the night air.

Tim isn’t really sure what to tell him, so he just stammers out “I’m so sorry Dick.” 

Dick’s back and arms immediately snap into a straight and shocked posture, “What?! Geez Tim, no it’s alright! I’m sure they’re out there somewhere. It’s not as if _I_ have any reason to feel sad over _what I never even had_. Can’t miss it if it never existed.” Tim doesn’t miss the ache in his voice or the wistful look in his eyes as they stare up towards the sky. He doesn’t miss the emptiness that Dick probably has no clue exists in his own life. Suddenly, he wishes he could change that for him. For one of the few people Tim has left in his life. He wishes he could change things, but he can’t. He thought he was having a hard time coping, but what are you supposed to do when you don’t even know your true love doesn’t exist? How do you break it to someone: _I’m sorry_ , but they’re not out there. _I’m sorry_ , but you’re always going to feel incomplete. _I’m sorry_ , because you’re never going to find them. _I’m sorry_.  _I’m sorry_.  _I’m sorry_.

“Yes you can.” Tim says instead, placing an affectionate hand on his shoulder. He can feel his own heart twist as Dick turns to face him. His smile is broken, because he’ll keep hoping, but It was the face of a man who is unaware that he’ll never get to fall in love again. 

Tim really is sorry.

“And so can _you._ ” Dick tells him, wrapping Tim into his arms into a warm hug brushing his fingers into his hair cooing, “so, I’m guessing this person doesn’t know how you feel, huh? Only because you’ve never brought anyone home to ‘daddy’ and Alfie.”

“No. They don’t.” Tim replies, pulling away gently, looking back up to that white, shining moon, waiting for nothing.

“Timmy, I’m only going to tell you this once.” Dick’s voice is sure, and serious. It’s his leader voice, and that’s when you know you have to listen. So Tim listens, “If they’re out there somewhere, don’t _ever_ pass up the chance to find them and tell them how you feel.”

And with that, Dick turns around to leave, but as he was leaving, Tim tugged at his sleeve asking in a small voice,” what if I can’t seem to find them?” What if he isn’t real?

Dick only chuckles, and ruffles his hair before replying, “you’re _Tim Drake_ , craziest boy genius I know. I’m _sure_ you can.”

Tim smiles at this, and there’s a hot fire ignited inside him as the cogs in his head started to turn. He’s right. “Thanks, Dick.”

“No problem.”

“Hey Dick…” Tim calls to him just as Dick was reaching for the knob of his door, “…I hope, someday, you find _your_ best friend.”

“ _Someday_.” Dick calls back, before smiling back and closing the door behind him leaving Tim to his thoughts.

When he hears the click of the lock, and the fading sound of Dick’s steps, Tim turns back to the moon. With a confident smile and a shaky voice, he vows to all the stars in the sky…“And I’ll find _mine_.”…and tonight, he’ll dream of flying again…

 

…Someday.

**Author's Note:**

> 'Stars' - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals.


End file.
